I’m doing horribly this year with having sex. Oh well… It is what it is, there are just a bunch of other things in life that are taking priority right now. Hopefully that will change and I’ll get back into the groove.
Two weeks ago I was going downtown to meet friends for a drink. I needed to hit my PO Box before the post office closed at 7pm, but I didn’t want to start drinking too early – I wasn’t really looking to get trashed. So I got on BBRT and this guy hit me up – said he was looking for an anonymous pump-n-dump and he already had a load in him. I love a cummy ass, so told him to keep the load in him – I’d be there in a bit. He was a bit out of the way, but I did my stop and headed over to his place.
I got there and the door was ajar and he was naked on the bed on all fours ass pointing to the door. I was sorta hoping he wouldn’t look back – ’cause I love it when a bottom just takes truly anonymous dick, but he did look back, but just briefly.
I’d been running around, so sorta needed to catch my breath, relax and get into the mindset to fuck. I got on my knees behind him and at him out. I love rimming ass and it’s a good way for me to get into the mood. It had been a couple hours since he took the other load, but I could sorta smell/taste a bit of cum. It wasn’t long before I was hard and looking around for lube.
After lubing up I pushed into his ass. It did feel a bit cummy, which is totally a good thing. Even though his ass felt good and cummy given my not-all-that-sexual mood lately I wasn’t sure for a while there if I could cum or not. I started doggy style, but eventually pushed him on his belly since that’s usually the most sure fire way to get me to cum. Then I finally felt it building and I knew I’d be able to cum. But then it was taking a while to actually cum and I started wondering again. But finally I did cum.
I wasn’t really in the mood to cuddle or anything. He finally turned around and I got a decent look at him. I mean I’d seen his body (which was quite nice), but hadn’t clearly seen his face. He wanted me to play with his nipples, but I’d cum and was sorta done. I told him I needed to run to meet friends. It was true, but in truth I could have delayed a bit. He’s a cumhole and got my load, so I don’t feel guilt or anything for not getting him off.
After that I took the bus over and met up with friends at Industry. I like the bar, but they need more bartenders and a better selection of draft beers. I mean seriously – they have Coors Light on tap – it’s possibly the worst light beer out there, and they only have 2 or 3 beers available on tap. Anyway, luckily I got there before my friends. My beard smelled of ass and cum – it’s not all that polite to kiss your friends hello smelling like that. So I went to the bathroom to wash up but then they didn’t have paper towels, so my beard was wet for a bit. Luckily it dried just before my friends showed up. The crowd at Industry is very trendy. Everyone there is trying pretty hard to look good. As a result there’s a lot of eye candy.
The one funny thing that happened is I met up with two friends – @PortaUrinal and a friend in the porn business who runs sites for Dick Wadd, Dark Alley and a number of other pretty hardcore producers. I had told the one friend that PortaUrinal was a piss bottom, but somehow he didn’t put 2 and 2 together and by the end of the night he was asking what we were doing in the bathroom. He thought we were doing lines of coke. lol He didn’t get that beer makes you piss and piss bottoms will follow you to the bathroom to get the load of piss.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
raw dick on a wet morning
One morning about 6am I was online while extremely horned up and borderline desperate for a load. This guy sent me a message, unfortunately my roommate had company and he couldn't play at his place either. He said he would meet me somewhere outdoors and fuck me really quick. It had rained quite a bit the night before so I knew it was going to be soggy- not to mention it was only about 45 degrees out. Normally, I wouldn't have even considered going out in that weather, especially not if pulling down my pants and exposing my genitals to the elements was involved, but my hole was making the decisions... and it decided it was hungry. The trick in question had a thick 9 inch cock, served raw, on the menu so before I knew it I was asking him where we could meet.
He couldn't think of anywhere, but I had an idea. It was a week day and there was a sports field nearby that had some batting cages and basketball courts where the surrounding fences had a kind of black mesh covering them. They were opposite the parking lot and the mesh made it hard to see through from far away, but not so if you were standing right next to it, so it would be perfect to hide you and let you see any approaching cars or whatever. He hastily agreed and said he'd be there in 30 minutes.
I threw on some sweat pants with no underwear and a shirt and grabbed my keys and travel lube while I pulled on my shoes. I wanted to get there first and scope out the best place. On the short drive over I squirted some lube on my two fingers and gave my snatch a good coating, inside and out. Remembering the size of the fuck tool he was packing (he had shown me pictures) I went ahead and worked 3, then 4 fingers inside my ass as a little stretching warm-up before the game. A passing car pulled my attention back to the road and I decided I should wipe my slimy hand dry before I tried to turn the steering wheel- wouldn't that be a fun wreck to explain?
I pulled onto the small road that led to the parking lot- it was empty just as I expected. I parked in an inconspicuous space away from where the action would take place and quickly shut off my car and scurried across the lot to disappear into the safety of the dark behind one of the courts. After standing there still and quiet for a minute to make sure I was alone I pulled the back of my sweats down to expose my rump and re-grease my sticky opening. As I put the lube back in my pocket I noticed a bottle of poppers I had left in there. I wiped the excess slippery gel on my cock and it recoiled in protest to the cold. Twisting the cap off the head cleaner and bringing the bottle under one nostril I inhaled several deep breaths and tried to focus enough to screw the cap back on as the warm feeling of inhibition wrapped around my body and mind like a hug.
Just then a pair of headlights made their way closer and I a held my breath to steady myself. It was a gold car... ok, at least I knew it wasn't a cop. I saw my buddy open the car door. He parked really close without even knowing where I was... like his cock had honed in on the position of it's target. I let him peer around a few seconds before jokingly giving a wolf whistle. His eyes focused as he spotted me and he made his way around.
"I hope your dick is already hard, because I'm not kneeling in the mud to suck it," I informed him. He smirked and pulled a rapidly growing slab of meat to show me that it was. Wow... it looked even bigger in person so I offered him the lube while I hit the poppers again and then I turned around to face the fence. I leaned forward and pulled my cheeks apart to show him my starving pucker. The cold seemed amplified by the lubricant smeared across my anus as he pumped his monster cock up with a slick fist.
You know that feeling when you are in the cold and your ears go numb... until you pull off your gloves and wrap your warm hands around them? Well, it pales in comparison to the feeling of a long, heavy, warm penis being thumped against your frozen asshole and rubbed deep into your crack. All I could do was moan and reach around to grasp the massive thing and coax it into my steaming insides- hesitantly at first, but apparently there wasn't going to be any problem. My sphincter opened up and devoured every single inch of his ass splitter and came to rest at the very base, albeit stretched pretty taut.
"Awww, ohh...mmm," he groaned with pleasure. "I did tell you I haven't gotten off in two days so I probably won't last long at all, right?"
"Good. It's too fucking cold to be out here any longer than absolutely necessary," I reassured him while I flexed my o-ring around his cock trying to get used to such a gigantic intrusion.
"Yeah, I can tell this hole gets alot of use. It just opens up for this big dick and begs for more. Squat down lower and bend over more so I can really give it to you deep," he instructed. I grabbed the fence and bent down lower to make my chute as accessible as possible. He stands straight up and rocks back on his heels slightly, withdrawing his hard meat about 3/4 of the way and then let's himself fall forward, ramming himself into my ass with his full body weight. He repeats this slowly and steadily 15 or 20 more times- being sure to come at a different angle each time. I wasn't sure if he was trying to make it hurt a little or what, but it felt great and I began rock backwards to meet his every assault on my cunt.
As if reading my mind, he answered my question. "I'm gonna pound the bottom out of this hole- make sure there's plenty of room for every drop of my fuckin' load in that slutty ass." I relaxed my anal-grip and enjoyed the sensation as the head of his cock pulled out and exposed the skin just inside my ass lips. He muttered some sort of approval and removed his whole tool so that he could rub his thumb across my juicy rosebud. He cock slapped my gaping slit a few times and teased it with his pulsing mushroom head. Without warning he buried himself in me again. I decided to try and push him a little by once again clamping down around his shaft. (OK so I also liked the extra rough feeling that making my pussy tight caused.)
Apparently, he got that I was trying to be a smart ass and it set him off. With one hand holding my hip and the other on my back, he laid into me with a brutal fuck.
"Oh, go ahead and try to squeeze tight, fucker. It won't matter. I'll tear this fuckin' ass up so damn bad it will feel like I'm fucking jello when I dump my nuts up inside you," he spat at me as his relentless attack on my hole continued. At some point while he was slam fucking me- repeatedly ripping his huge shaft all the way out of my hole- I did lose the ability or the will to maintain the pressure on his cock with my ass. I gave in to the ecstasy. The difference in temperature between his searing hot fuck meat and the biting cold air that replaced it every time he withdrew was unreal. I placed one hand on my flat abdomen and I swear I could feel where his cock pushed my stomach muscles out every time he plunged into my abused hole.
Suddenly he grunted and grabbed me by the shoulder, impaling me on his dick and holding me there.
"Don't you fucking move. You take every drop of my wad you little whore!" He sounded almost believable as he spurted gush after gush of semen into the roomy space he had fucked into my body. Not that I could feel the squirts of jism... my hole and insides were all but numb from the experience. He stayed deep inside me for a moment and then held me in place as he slowly slid his cock out of me- squeezing the remnants of his orgasm up the shaft of his penis so that I literally got every drop.
He went to put his deflating member away, but I decided that I could brave a little mud and stopped him so that I could drop to my knees and suck his cock clean of the cum and lube that was glistening on it by the street lights. We both said, "Thanks," at the same time and laughed it off as we walked back to our vehicles to leave.
Amazingly, even though my ass was incredibly stretched out and loose, none of his cum oozed out on the way home. He had pounded his wad so deep inside me that I had to reach way up inside with a finger to feel it.... and it was a damn large load, too!
He couldn't think of anywhere, but I had an idea. It was a week day and there was a sports field nearby that had some batting cages and basketball courts where the surrounding fences had a kind of black mesh covering them. They were opposite the parking lot and the mesh made it hard to see through from far away, but not so if you were standing right next to it, so it would be perfect to hide you and let you see any approaching cars or whatever. He hastily agreed and said he'd be there in 30 minutes.
I threw on some sweat pants with no underwear and a shirt and grabbed my keys and travel lube while I pulled on my shoes. I wanted to get there first and scope out the best place. On the short drive over I squirted some lube on my two fingers and gave my snatch a good coating, inside and out. Remembering the size of the fuck tool he was packing (he had shown me pictures) I went ahead and worked 3, then 4 fingers inside my ass as a little stretching warm-up before the game. A passing car pulled my attention back to the road and I decided I should wipe my slimy hand dry before I tried to turn the steering wheel- wouldn't that be a fun wreck to explain?
I pulled onto the small road that led to the parking lot- it was empty just as I expected. I parked in an inconspicuous space away from where the action would take place and quickly shut off my car and scurried across the lot to disappear into the safety of the dark behind one of the courts. After standing there still and quiet for a minute to make sure I was alone I pulled the back of my sweats down to expose my rump and re-grease my sticky opening. As I put the lube back in my pocket I noticed a bottle of poppers I had left in there. I wiped the excess slippery gel on my cock and it recoiled in protest to the cold. Twisting the cap off the head cleaner and bringing the bottle under one nostril I inhaled several deep breaths and tried to focus enough to screw the cap back on as the warm feeling of inhibition wrapped around my body and mind like a hug.
Just then a pair of headlights made their way closer and I a held my breath to steady myself. It was a gold car... ok, at least I knew it wasn't a cop. I saw my buddy open the car door. He parked really close without even knowing where I was... like his cock had honed in on the position of it's target. I let him peer around a few seconds before jokingly giving a wolf whistle. His eyes focused as he spotted me and he made his way around.
"I hope your dick is already hard, because I'm not kneeling in the mud to suck it," I informed him. He smirked and pulled a rapidly growing slab of meat to show me that it was. Wow... it looked even bigger in person so I offered him the lube while I hit the poppers again and then I turned around to face the fence. I leaned forward and pulled my cheeks apart to show him my starving pucker. The cold seemed amplified by the lubricant smeared across my anus as he pumped his monster cock up with a slick fist.
You know that feeling when you are in the cold and your ears go numb... until you pull off your gloves and wrap your warm hands around them? Well, it pales in comparison to the feeling of a long, heavy, warm penis being thumped against your frozen asshole and rubbed deep into your crack. All I could do was moan and reach around to grasp the massive thing and coax it into my steaming insides- hesitantly at first, but apparently there wasn't going to be any problem. My sphincter opened up and devoured every single inch of his ass splitter and came to rest at the very base, albeit stretched pretty taut.
"Awww, ohh...mmm," he groaned with pleasure. "I did tell you I haven't gotten off in two days so I probably won't last long at all, right?"
"Good. It's too fucking cold to be out here any longer than absolutely necessary," I reassured him while I flexed my o-ring around his cock trying to get used to such a gigantic intrusion.
"Yeah, I can tell this hole gets alot of use. It just opens up for this big dick and begs for more. Squat down lower and bend over more so I can really give it to you deep," he instructed. I grabbed the fence and bent down lower to make my chute as accessible as possible. He stands straight up and rocks back on his heels slightly, withdrawing his hard meat about 3/4 of the way and then let's himself fall forward, ramming himself into my ass with his full body weight. He repeats this slowly and steadily 15 or 20 more times- being sure to come at a different angle each time. I wasn't sure if he was trying to make it hurt a little or what, but it felt great and I began rock backwards to meet his every assault on my cunt.
As if reading my mind, he answered my question. "I'm gonna pound the bottom out of this hole- make sure there's plenty of room for every drop of my fuckin' load in that slutty ass." I relaxed my anal-grip and enjoyed the sensation as the head of his cock pulled out and exposed the skin just inside my ass lips. He muttered some sort of approval and removed his whole tool so that he could rub his thumb across my juicy rosebud. He cock slapped my gaping slit a few times and teased it with his pulsing mushroom head. Without warning he buried himself in me again. I decided to try and push him a little by once again clamping down around his shaft. (OK so I also liked the extra rough feeling that making my pussy tight caused.)
Apparently, he got that I was trying to be a smart ass and it set him off. With one hand holding my hip and the other on my back, he laid into me with a brutal fuck.
"Oh, go ahead and try to squeeze tight, fucker. It won't matter. I'll tear this fuckin' ass up so damn bad it will feel like I'm fucking jello when I dump my nuts up inside you," he spat at me as his relentless attack on my hole continued. At some point while he was slam fucking me- repeatedly ripping his huge shaft all the way out of my hole- I did lose the ability or the will to maintain the pressure on his cock with my ass. I gave in to the ecstasy. The difference in temperature between his searing hot fuck meat and the biting cold air that replaced it every time he withdrew was unreal. I placed one hand on my flat abdomen and I swear I could feel where his cock pushed my stomach muscles out every time he plunged into my abused hole.
Suddenly he grunted and grabbed me by the shoulder, impaling me on his dick and holding me there.
"Don't you fucking move. You take every drop of my wad you little whore!" He sounded almost believable as he spurted gush after gush of semen into the roomy space he had fucked into my body. Not that I could feel the squirts of jism... my hole and insides were all but numb from the experience. He stayed deep inside me for a moment and then held me in place as he slowly slid his cock out of me- squeezing the remnants of his orgasm up the shaft of his penis so that I literally got every drop.
He went to put his deflating member away, but I decided that I could brave a little mud and stopped him so that I could drop to my knees and suck his cock clean of the cum and lube that was glistening on it by the street lights. We both said, "Thanks," at the same time and laughed it off as we walked back to our vehicles to leave.
Amazingly, even though my ass was incredibly stretched out and loose, none of his cum oozed out on the way home. He had pounded his wad so deep inside me that I had to reach way up inside with a finger to feel it.... and it was a damn large load, too!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sometimes people suck! (But I do it better...)
You know what I hate more than anything else? Fucking rude assholes! People who don't show courtesy to others just irritate me to no end. If I call you about making plans for tomorrow, then call me back before tomorrow so I know if I should make others plans. Don't just not call back and assume I'll take the hint. That's fucking rude. And if I send you a message on Grindr or Manhunt, then, fucker, at least take the 15 frickin' seconds it would take you to shoot me a reply, even if you aren't interested in me. I mean, really. When did it become socially acceptable to ignore someone just because you don't want to sleep with them? Indeed, when did it become OK to have bad manners?
But of course, those are trivial things compared to the mean-spirited, nasty shit people do to each other. Today I went onto my XTube page to check out the comments and I came across one comment where the dickhead said: "It never ceases to amaze me how ugly guys like this can get hot guys to have sex with them. I wouldn't fuck this guy with a ten-foot pole." Really, fucker??? You're going to use your power to post comments on peoples' pages to put others down? Do you have a really small dick and need to make somebody else feel smaller than you? Sheesh, man. That kind of shit is just lame, and anyone who would post such a thing is not worthy of life. They're just taking up space, using up our oxygen.
Now before you go and say "Don't take it personally, buddy," rest assured: I'm not. I certainly recognize that not everybody can be sexually desirable to everyone else. So trust me, I'm not bummed that this jerk didn't want to fuck me. I'm simply disappointed with his choice to put somebody else down. I'm always disappointed by and frustrated with the human race. For a group that is supposed to be so highly evolved, we are anything but most of time. I mean, if you have nothing constructive or helpful to say, why even bother posting a comment on someone's page unless it's so you can try to make them feel bad? And if that's your purpose, then let it be known, dickwad, that you're just a complete waste of space and an absolute fucking turd. Do the rest of us a favor and drop dead already.
So, yeah, people suck sometimes. But as I say in the title of this post, I do it better. In fact, just yesterday I had a frickin' awesomely HAWT experience with this guy that I've been wanting to hook up with for, like, two years now. We played Manhunt tag for a while before losing contact, and then he shows up on Grindr one day and we start exchanging messages again. It took a few tries before we were finally able to connect, but the dude works just over the hill from my apartment, and he asked me if I would be willing to come to his work and suck him off-- wait for it! -- in the backseat of his car! "It would make a really hot video for XTube!" he said. (Obviously, the dude knew the magic words to say.) So I got in my car and drove over the hill and pulled into the parking lot of his work and he came out and we got in the backseat of his car. He unzipped and pulled his pants down, sat back, and I went to work. This fucker is a total hot hairy muscle bear with a fat cock, and I was one motherfuckin' happy camper slobbering all over it. But I was in pure heaven when he slid his meaty tool into my puckered hole and fucked me for a bit. It's hard to fuck in a car, though, so I finished him off jacking him off and sucking him at the same time, and the resulting video ("Backseat Suck 'N' Fuck") is pure nasty hotness in just under 10 minutes. It won't be up on XTube for a few weeks
But of course, those are trivial things compared to the mean-spirited, nasty shit people do to each other. Today I went onto my XTube page to check out the comments and I came across one comment where the dickhead said: "It never ceases to amaze me how ugly guys like this can get hot guys to have sex with them. I wouldn't fuck this guy with a ten-foot pole." Really, fucker??? You're going to use your power to post comments on peoples' pages to put others down? Do you have a really small dick and need to make somebody else feel smaller than you? Sheesh, man. That kind of shit is just lame, and anyone who would post such a thing is not worthy of life. They're just taking up space, using up our oxygen.
Now before you go and say "Don't take it personally, buddy," rest assured: I'm not. I certainly recognize that not everybody can be sexually desirable to everyone else. So trust me, I'm not bummed that this jerk didn't want to fuck me. I'm simply disappointed with his choice to put somebody else down. I'm always disappointed by and frustrated with the human race. For a group that is supposed to be so highly evolved, we are anything but most of time. I mean, if you have nothing constructive or helpful to say, why even bother posting a comment on someone's page unless it's so you can try to make them feel bad? And if that's your purpose, then let it be known, dickwad, that you're just a complete waste of space and an absolute fucking turd. Do the rest of us a favor and drop dead already.
So, yeah, people suck sometimes. But as I say in the title of this post, I do it better. In fact, just yesterday I had a frickin' awesomely HAWT experience with this guy that I've been wanting to hook up with for, like, two years now. We played Manhunt tag for a while before losing contact, and then he shows up on Grindr one day and we start exchanging messages again. It took a few tries before we were finally able to connect, but the dude works just over the hill from my apartment, and he asked me if I would be willing to come to his work and suck him off-- wait for it! -- in the backseat of his car! "It would make a really hot video for XTube!" he said. (Obviously, the dude knew the magic words to say.) So I got in my car and drove over the hill and pulled into the parking lot of his work and he came out and we got in the backseat of his car. He unzipped and pulled his pants down, sat back, and I went to work. This fucker is a total hot hairy muscle bear with a fat cock, and I was one motherfuckin' happy camper slobbering all over it. But I was in pure heaven when he slid his meaty tool into my puckered hole and fucked me for a bit. It's hard to fuck in a car, though, so I finished him off jacking him off and sucking him at the same time, and the resulting video ("Backseat Suck 'N' Fuck") is pure nasty hotness in just under 10 minutes. It won't be up on XTube for a few weeks
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The art of accepting rejection
So the other day, I sent a text to one of the guys who came over and fucked me last week. I was all, like, "Man, that was so hot the other day, can't wait to do it again." At first he sent the usual fake response of a smiley face emoticon, but I could sense that there was something he wasn't saying. Me being me, I responded, "Well, gee, don't rush to give me such enthusiastic feedback!" He responded, "It was alright, but I don't feel compelled to come back for seconds. You know how it is. Happy hunting." I must admit, I was shocked. I had thought that our little tryst (in the tiny "alley" behind my apartment building at 6am in the morning, no less) was quite hot, and so I pressed for feedback. He resisted giving it to me until I said, "Well, I guess you don't care enough to be honest with me," at which point he shot back a pointed email telling me, among other things, that I was "thinner in [my] picture, hotter in [my] picture," and that my hole "wasn't as clean as it should have been." He then said, "I don't know why you would want that kind of feedback."
Of course, it was obvious this kid was pretty inexperienced in the ways of hooking up (he's just 24 years old) or that he doesn't know much about what goes into being a prepared bottom (after all, he messaged me on Grindr and said, "I want to play, but I'm on my way to work, so I have to come over right now if it's going to work," which didn't give me a lot of time to prepare to get fucked), and it was very obvious from his remarks about my appearance that he's pretty darn superficial, so I didn't take any of his feedback personally. I happen to know that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I've got a little bit of a belly... young shallow gay men typically resist such types of guys. So I get it. He's just 24 and superficial and I'm still hot. (It's interesting to note, however, that I was not thinner in the picture that I shared with him, and I told him so. I said, "That picture was taken one week ago. You saw what you wanted to see.")
Now I could have gotten all bent out of shape about what he said, but I had asked him for his feedback, and I'm glad to have gotten it. It was a little hurtful to read his words at first, but in the end I thanked him for his honesty and told him to "take care." Most people would want to curl up in a ball and cry themselves to sleep after hearing such harsh feedback, but I welcome it. I think if everyone were that honest with each other, the world would be a much better place. I mean, how does anybody expect to figure out what they are doing "wrong" if they don't get honest feedback from people who care enough about others to be honest with them? We don't have to agree with it (as I said, I happen to think I'm pretty darn hot, whether he thought so or not), but it's good to hear from others how we show up to them. What if everyone was brave enough to hear criticism and not take it personally? What would that be like, and how would people interact with each other in that kind of a world? I tend to think that we would have a lot more respect for each other if we were all honest with each other about our experiences of each other.
So this kid didn't think I was the hottest fuck he'd ever had. Oh well. That doesn't discount the experience I had with him. I still think it was very hot, and the video we shot is still one that I will want to look at and jerk off to in the future. I don't have to let his words bother me. In fact, I feel a little bit relieved now that I know the truth behind his vagueness. I hate thinking, "What did I do wrong?" It's good to know. I don't feel compelled to run to the gym and work out so I can be "hotter" to guys like him (heck, I don't even want to play with guys like him; shallow is not an attractive trait in anyone), but at least now I don't have to sit around wondering why he doesn't want to play again. It feels good to be informed. Call me crazy, but I think rejection can be a powerful tool of growth if you are confident enough in your own skin to hear it and take it in.
Of course, it was obvious this kid was pretty inexperienced in the ways of hooking up (he's just 24 years old) or that he doesn't know much about what goes into being a prepared bottom (after all, he messaged me on Grindr and said, "I want to play, but I'm on my way to work, so I have to come over right now if it's going to work," which didn't give me a lot of time to prepare to get fucked), and it was very obvious from his remarks about my appearance that he's pretty darn superficial, so I didn't take any of his feedback personally. I happen to know that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I've got a little bit of a belly... young shallow gay men typically resist such types of guys. So I get it. He's just 24 and superficial and I'm still hot. (It's interesting to note, however, that I was not thinner in the picture that I shared with him, and I told him so. I said, "That picture was taken one week ago. You saw what you wanted to see.")
Now I could have gotten all bent out of shape about what he said, but I had asked him for his feedback, and I'm glad to have gotten it. It was a little hurtful to read his words at first, but in the end I thanked him for his honesty and told him to "take care." Most people would want to curl up in a ball and cry themselves to sleep after hearing such harsh feedback, but I welcome it. I think if everyone were that honest with each other, the world would be a much better place. I mean, how does anybody expect to figure out what they are doing "wrong" if they don't get honest feedback from people who care enough about others to be honest with them? We don't have to agree with it (as I said, I happen to think I'm pretty darn hot, whether he thought so or not), but it's good to hear from others how we show up to them. What if everyone was brave enough to hear criticism and not take it personally? What would that be like, and how would people interact with each other in that kind of a world? I tend to think that we would have a lot more respect for each other if we were all honest with each other about our experiences of each other.
So this kid didn't think I was the hottest fuck he'd ever had. Oh well. That doesn't discount the experience I had with him. I still think it was very hot, and the video we shot is still one that I will want to look at and jerk off to in the future. I don't have to let his words bother me. In fact, I feel a little bit relieved now that I know the truth behind his vagueness. I hate thinking, "What did I do wrong?" It's good to know. I don't feel compelled to run to the gym and work out so I can be "hotter" to guys like him (heck, I don't even want to play with guys like him; shallow is not an attractive trait in anyone), but at least now I don't have to sit around wondering why he doesn't want to play again. It feels good to be informed. Call me crazy, but I think rejection can be a powerful tool of growth if you are confident enough in your own skin to hear it and take it in.
Paranoia sucks
So today I had a super fucking hot hookup where this big-dicked guy came over and stood in the doorway of my apartment and fed his thick veiny cock to me. I took it like a champ, and the video was probably one of the hottest I've filmed in a while. Except that now there is no video. This asshole decided to take it up on himself to delete the footage from my camera when I wasn't looking. What a fuck tard! You can bet that I sent his ass a very pointed text after he left. Can you believe that shit?
That he would just start deleting shit off my camera without discussing it with me is complete bullshit. It wasn't even like anyone would have ever figured out whose cock I was sucking from the video. It never went anywhere above his belly button. And he had no distinguishing tattoos. He was just another stupid paranoid asshole gay guy in the world, and I'm telling you folks, there are just too fucking many of them. What the hell is up with this whole "D.L." thing going on in our community? I hear it all the time. "I just don't like people knowing my business." And I just want to ask: Uh... Why? I thought one of the great things about being gay was that we could be open about who we are without the fear of judgment. But it just seems as if everyone is so concerned about what others think about them these days that they refuse to allow themselves to have any fun, or if they do, it has to be in secret. I see it everywhere. Guys refuse to send their G-rated face pics on Manhunt out of fear that they could end up in the wrong hands. (Just what kind of damage do these guys think that these so-called Internet predators can do with a fucking G-rated picture anyway???) Or they won't hook up with friends of mutual friends because they don't want their friends knowing who they sleep with. Honestly, who fucking cares?
Now I know that I live a very out-there lifestyle, and I understand that not everybody wants to be so open about themselves because it could get back to their families or their bosses. But really, people, this incessant paranoia that is running rampant in our community is fucking LAME. It's time for all of us to just get over ourselves already! I'm sorry, but it needs to be said: Discretion is for people who spend too much time worrying about what others think about them. And as I've said before, there is no greater deterrent to happiness than caring about what others think about you. But let's be totally honest: It's usually not our friends that are judging us. It's ourselves. And until we all come clean with ourselves about who we are and what we like to do in bed, then this kind of stupid "D.L." shit is going to continue. And again, I'm sorry, but there is absolutely nothing sexy about shame, guilt, fear or especially paranoia.
That he would just start deleting shit off my camera without discussing it with me is complete bullshit. It wasn't even like anyone would have ever figured out whose cock I was sucking from the video. It never went anywhere above his belly button. And he had no distinguishing tattoos. He was just another stupid paranoid asshole gay guy in the world, and I'm telling you folks, there are just too fucking many of them. What the hell is up with this whole "D.L." thing going on in our community? I hear it all the time. "I just don't like people knowing my business." And I just want to ask: Uh... Why? I thought one of the great things about being gay was that we could be open about who we are without the fear of judgment. But it just seems as if everyone is so concerned about what others think about them these days that they refuse to allow themselves to have any fun, or if they do, it has to be in secret. I see it everywhere. Guys refuse to send their G-rated face pics on Manhunt out of fear that they could end up in the wrong hands. (Just what kind of damage do these guys think that these so-called Internet predators can do with a fucking G-rated picture anyway???) Or they won't hook up with friends of mutual friends because they don't want their friends knowing who they sleep with. Honestly, who fucking cares?
Now I know that I live a very out-there lifestyle, and I understand that not everybody wants to be so open about themselves because it could get back to their families or their bosses. But really, people, this incessant paranoia that is running rampant in our community is fucking LAME. It's time for all of us to just get over ourselves already! I'm sorry, but it needs to be said: Discretion is for people who spend too much time worrying about what others think about them. And as I've said before, there is no greater deterrent to happiness than caring about what others think about you. But let's be totally honest: It's usually not our friends that are judging us. It's ourselves. And until we all come clean with ourselves about who we are and what we like to do in bed, then this kind of stupid "D.L." shit is going to continue. And again, I'm sorry, but there is absolutely nothing sexy about shame, guilt, fear or especially paranoia.
The thing about bareback
So I think it's time to address the big ol' elephant in the room once and for all: the whole thing about bareback. It's an issue that's been plaguing the gay community ever since the outbreak of AIDS back in the '80s and it always gets people fired up, both emotionally and sexually. Obviously, if you know me, you know that I'm into bareback sex. I know that I'm going to get raked over the coals for this, but personally I think it's sex in its most natural and spiritual form. It's connection between two people that literally has no barriers. In many ways, it's a metaphor for stripping away the walls that we build between us emotionally. When you let someone enter you (or you enter them) in such an intimate way, it begs for an intellectual connection that mirrors the physical one. It's actually quite funny to me that many think of bareback as "nasty," when actually, it's anything but. It's quite simply sex the way it was meant to be experienced: raw, unbridled, messy, amazing. I fucking love it.
A lot of people don't agree with me. I got into a debate with this guy the other day about whether or not i promote the spread of HIV. As I am not HIV positive, and nobody has ever been infected with anything during sex with me, then my opinion is that there is no way that im promoting the spread of anything. Of course, I acknowledge that my eroticize behavior, that is potentially dangerous to one's sexual health, and for that, I take ownership, but if i send any kind of a message, it is one of personal choice. I've been having unprotected sex on and off since I was 18 years old, and in that time, I've only contracted gonorrhea 1 time. That's not such a bad track record. Of course, it could have been HIV, but it wasn't, and just as smokers accept the risks that come along with smoking cigarettes, I accept the risks that come along with having unprotected sex. I think it's funny how nobody ever gets up on their soap boxes to say to their smoking friends, "Do you realize that you are promoting the spread of cancer by smoking those?" But because there is so much judgment surrounding sex in this country, bareback sex becomes demonized and stigmatized as something "wrong" or "unethical." It's so very hypocritical. Sex is amazing in and of itself; there is no "bad" sex, only our personal interpretations of the sex we have. We make sex bad, but sex itself has no moral makeup.
A lot of people say things like, "But what about the 16-year-old in Ohio who sees your video on XTube and then thinks they can go out and have bareback sex?" And my response is, "What about them?" First of all, why are 16-year-olds watching porn in the first place? Second, haven't we already had this debate regarding mainstream entertainment, and haven't we already decided that musicians and filmmakers are not responsible for the things people do after listening to their music or watching their movies? Of course I care that people are still being infected with HIV, but when it all boils down to it, we are all responsible for the choices we make in life, and it is not my job to educate and police the sexual behavior of anyone but myself. Yes, I stand for sexual health, but I believe that the way I live my life is actually very responsible and healthy. I think the main reason that HIV is still such an issue in the community is that we've been going about it all wrong, teaching "safe sex only" over informed choice. Instead of telling people what NOT to do, I would much rather lead by example. I live my life the way that I want to live it, and I am fully aware of and responsible for every choice that I make, and I think that is the cornerstone of living a happy, healthy life. I have no one but myself to blame if I get HIV. Obviously I don't intend on getting it, and I've read enough about how the virus is spread to know what I can and can't get away with. If you are conscious and aware when you are having unprotected sex (as opposed to fucked up on alcohol and drugs, like most people who do it), you can actually have responsible unprotected sex. It's a matter of reading up on HIV and STDs, as well as asking questions and being honest with people. Yes, some people are liars, and yes, some people may not know they have an STD, but thre's a lot that can be accomplished by asking simple questions and paying attention to their answers (and their body language when giving those answers).
To clarify, I am in no way telling people to go out and have unsafe sex. I'm telling people, "Make up your own mind about what turns you on and what you are comfortable participating in sexually." But be informed about it. If I stand for anything, it's that we should all discard everything we've been told about sex from the church, from our families, from society, from each other. And just start over from scratch. Give yourself the permission to be who you want to be and take part in the things that you want to take part in. Let go of shame, fear, resentment, guilt and judgment, and fucking get out there and LIVE. YOUR. LIFE. We only get one, and I'll be damned if I'm going to waste mine away being overly cautious about anything. Life is about taking risks. I'm experiencing my life fully and happily, and sometimes it just makes me so giddy that I am overwhelmed with joy. Sex is part of that joy for me. Having "nasty," "dirty" sex isn't something I do because I feel "nasty" or "dirty" inside. To me, it's a way of liberating myself from such things as shame and guilt and actually celebrating what makes me happy. I am a playful, desirable, liberated man, and I LOVE my sex life. And regardless of what choices other people make regarding their sex lives, I don't think there's anything more healthy than spreading that kind of an attitude.
A lot of people don't agree with me. I got into a debate with this guy the other day about whether or not i promote the spread of HIV. As I am not HIV positive, and nobody has ever been infected with anything during sex with me, then my opinion is that there is no way that im promoting the spread of anything. Of course, I acknowledge that my eroticize behavior, that is potentially dangerous to one's sexual health, and for that, I take ownership, but if i send any kind of a message, it is one of personal choice. I've been having unprotected sex on and off since I was 18 years old, and in that time, I've only contracted gonorrhea 1 time. That's not such a bad track record. Of course, it could have been HIV, but it wasn't, and just as smokers accept the risks that come along with smoking cigarettes, I accept the risks that come along with having unprotected sex. I think it's funny how nobody ever gets up on their soap boxes to say to their smoking friends, "Do you realize that you are promoting the spread of cancer by smoking those?" But because there is so much judgment surrounding sex in this country, bareback sex becomes demonized and stigmatized as something "wrong" or "unethical." It's so very hypocritical. Sex is amazing in and of itself; there is no "bad" sex, only our personal interpretations of the sex we have. We make sex bad, but sex itself has no moral makeup.
A lot of people say things like, "But what about the 16-year-old in Ohio who sees your video on XTube and then thinks they can go out and have bareback sex?" And my response is, "What about them?" First of all, why are 16-year-olds watching porn in the first place? Second, haven't we already had this debate regarding mainstream entertainment, and haven't we already decided that musicians and filmmakers are not responsible for the things people do after listening to their music or watching their movies? Of course I care that people are still being infected with HIV, but when it all boils down to it, we are all responsible for the choices we make in life, and it is not my job to educate and police the sexual behavior of anyone but myself. Yes, I stand for sexual health, but I believe that the way I live my life is actually very responsible and healthy. I think the main reason that HIV is still such an issue in the community is that we've been going about it all wrong, teaching "safe sex only" over informed choice. Instead of telling people what NOT to do, I would much rather lead by example. I live my life the way that I want to live it, and I am fully aware of and responsible for every choice that I make, and I think that is the cornerstone of living a happy, healthy life. I have no one but myself to blame if I get HIV. Obviously I don't intend on getting it, and I've read enough about how the virus is spread to know what I can and can't get away with. If you are conscious and aware when you are having unprotected sex (as opposed to fucked up on alcohol and drugs, like most people who do it), you can actually have responsible unprotected sex. It's a matter of reading up on HIV and STDs, as well as asking questions and being honest with people. Yes, some people are liars, and yes, some people may not know they have an STD, but thre's a lot that can be accomplished by asking simple questions and paying attention to their answers (and their body language when giving those answers).
To clarify, I am in no way telling people to go out and have unsafe sex. I'm telling people, "Make up your own mind about what turns you on and what you are comfortable participating in sexually." But be informed about it. If I stand for anything, it's that we should all discard everything we've been told about sex from the church, from our families, from society, from each other. And just start over from scratch. Give yourself the permission to be who you want to be and take part in the things that you want to take part in. Let go of shame, fear, resentment, guilt and judgment, and fucking get out there and LIVE. YOUR. LIFE. We only get one, and I'll be damned if I'm going to waste mine away being overly cautious about anything. Life is about taking risks. I'm experiencing my life fully and happily, and sometimes it just makes me so giddy that I am overwhelmed with joy. Sex is part of that joy for me. Having "nasty," "dirty" sex isn't something I do because I feel "nasty" or "dirty" inside. To me, it's a way of liberating myself from such things as shame and guilt and actually celebrating what makes me happy. I am a playful, desirable, liberated man, and I LOVE my sex life. And regardless of what choices other people make regarding their sex lives, I don't think there's anything more healthy than spreading that kind of an attitude.
When pigs sell out
So I got this text today from a guy I met on Grindr. "Prop 8 was just ruled unconstitutional! Now it honestly makes me want to stop fucking around and meet someone worth possibly marrying someday." As soon as I swallowed the vomit that had arisen in the back of my mouth, I sent him a text back saying, "Oh please! Don't be such a fucking girl! Today is a victory for civil rights, not for monogamy! LOL!"
God, I hate how gays give in to traditional societal teachings about what constitutes an "appropriate" relationship. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship (trust me, I would like to have one someday, too), but there is nothing more sad than people giving in to others' ideas about what kind of relationship they "should" have. But we do it all the time. We meet someone and we immediately begin to judge ourselves. "Now this means I have to stop being such a pig and really focus all my attention on making this relationship work." But that's actually the very reason why relationships don't work out: As soon as we begin to judge our pasts and our choices and attempt to re-cast ourselves as good" guys to make a relationship work, we begin the journey toward the failure of the relationship. Why do so many of us want out partners to love an idealized version of ourselves that isn't who we really are? And when will we stop judging our own sexual desires to the point that we deny them in favor of love? Why not have a relationship in which our sexual desires are an accepted and encouraged part of it?
I just don't understand why people fall prey to the bullshit that we've been taught about sex and relationships. Especially gay people. Aren't we supposed to be more sexually open and evolved? But I'm not seeing that in the gay community at all. I'm seeing gay men schilling for acceptance and validation by getting into relationships that will never work out because they are built on false premises, and it's just so very saddening to me. The fact that Prop 8 has been overtuned in the California court is indeed a victory, but like I told my friend, it is a victory for equality and civil rights only, and does not mean in any way that we need to run out and become "good boys" so we can find husbands now. We still get to be the same dirty, piggy guys that we are, day in, day out, without making ourselves feel like we are any less deserving of love or a committed relationship. I will never try to remake myself in the image of what somebody else finds acceptable, and neither should anybody else.
Prop 8 may have been overturned, but the true victory is for anyone who stands for who they are and believes themselves to be equal because of it. I'm a pig, I'm equal to everyone else, and I deserve everything that I want in life. That's what equality is all about, people. Please get with the fucking program, people.
God, I hate how gays give in to traditional societal teachings about what constitutes an "appropriate" relationship. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship (trust me, I would like to have one someday, too), but there is nothing more sad than people giving in to others' ideas about what kind of relationship they "should" have. But we do it all the time. We meet someone and we immediately begin to judge ourselves. "Now this means I have to stop being such a pig and really focus all my attention on making this relationship work." But that's actually the very reason why relationships don't work out: As soon as we begin to judge our pasts and our choices and attempt to re-cast ourselves as good" guys to make a relationship work, we begin the journey toward the failure of the relationship. Why do so many of us want out partners to love an idealized version of ourselves that isn't who we really are? And when will we stop judging our own sexual desires to the point that we deny them in favor of love? Why not have a relationship in which our sexual desires are an accepted and encouraged part of it?
I just don't understand why people fall prey to the bullshit that we've been taught about sex and relationships. Especially gay people. Aren't we supposed to be more sexually open and evolved? But I'm not seeing that in the gay community at all. I'm seeing gay men schilling for acceptance and validation by getting into relationships that will never work out because they are built on false premises, and it's just so very saddening to me. The fact that Prop 8 has been overtuned in the California court is indeed a victory, but like I told my friend, it is a victory for equality and civil rights only, and does not mean in any way that we need to run out and become "good boys" so we can find husbands now. We still get to be the same dirty, piggy guys that we are, day in, day out, without making ourselves feel like we are any less deserving of love or a committed relationship. I will never try to remake myself in the image of what somebody else finds acceptable, and neither should anybody else.
Prop 8 may have been overturned, but the true victory is for anyone who stands for who they are and believes themselves to be equal because of it. I'm a pig, I'm equal to everyone else, and I deserve everything that I want in life. That's what equality is all about, people. Please get with the fucking program, people.
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